September 9th is not just a day coming up. It is the day Deb and I became Nana and Pops. Our grandson Declan celebrates his 3rd birthday on September 9th and Nana and Pops now have three years of grand parenting under our belts.
Going in to the role, I looked back on my own relationships with my grandfathers. Both men loved me and enjoyed being with me. They were patient. My grandfather Clyde would bounce the ball and play catch with me for interminable amounts of time. He taught me to play checkers and dominoes and tolerated my tantrums when I lost. He lovingly teased me when I would snag the last ear of corn or piece of meat and say “eat it hog, I’ll starve!” My grandfather Fred, was much more active (and younger) than Clyde, so we played catch with the baseball, went bowling and he bought me a Donald Duck bike to ride around town when I visited. He also took me to his farm and I got to drive the tractor and pickup truck when I was barely 12. I remember driving down this dirt road going about 40 mph and I asked him how fast I should drive and he replied, “Never drive any faster than what you are comfortable in going.” Good advice! We would come home so dirty Grandma Ella would throw us in the bath tub and the water would turn to a dirty brown and she would grouse about how someone could get so dirty.
Then I looked at my own dad’s relationship with Jason and Kayla. He wasn’t afraid to hold them as infants and he would cuddle with them and talk to them as newborns. He was there at all the big events and small happenings in their lives. He encouraged them and told them how much he loved them and how proud he was of their accomplishments. He played countless rounds of golf with Jason. Kayla spent countless hours on his lap eating popcorn and just enjoying the closeness.
From these role models, I had a good foundation and knew what I wanted to be and how I wanted to interact with our new grandson.
The first three years have been different than what I was imagining. What I’ve found is that so far Declan far prefers Nana and Aunt Kayla to Pops. Pops is sort of the last resort if there is no one else able to play with him (including the dog). I will admit that the last couple of times we’ve been together we’ve discovered how much fun it is to build Lego’s together and I’m an OK guy because I’ll draw chalk train tracks on his patio for him to drive his train on.
Another thing I’ve learned is that when we get together, there just isn’t enough Declan to go around. When you have his mom and dad, Nana, Aunt Kayla, and Great Aunt Linda all in the same place, Pops doesn’t get much face time with the boy.
He prefers story books read by his dad or Nana. I’m pretty sure that is because in my first attempt at it I was reading the Big Blue Truck to him and I don’t think he was a year old yet, and the big blue truck let out a “honk!” and wanting to put a little oomph into the part I gave it a very loud honk. Declan looked up at me, his face saying “what have you done?” Tears formed in his eyes and the crying started. When he was here this past June, it was the first time I’ve been able to read to him since the honking event.
Pops has not lost heart, however! Declan is now growing out of the infant/toddler stage and is becoming a little boy. A little boy that will soon be throwing balls and swinging golf clubs. There will be bike riding and hiking trails. Building more Legos and maybe even building bigger things. Plus I now have a secret weapon. I have a John Deere tractor for mowing the lawn. I’m thinking it’s just the right size for a three year old to help me drive. Yep, Declan and Pops driving the tractor… what goes around comes back around.
Mike Berry is a Registered Representative offering securities through Cambridge Investment Research, Inc., a Broker/Dealer, Member FINRA/SIPC. Investment Advisor Representative, Cambridge Investment Research Advisors, Inc., a Registered Investment Advisor. Legacy Wealth Management, LLC and Cambridge are not affiliated. Cambridge does not offer tax advice.
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